Couple therapists reveal the 6 problems that cause even good marriages to end in divorce


We would like to believe that marriage always means happily ever after; unfortunately this is often not the case. We can do our best not to end up in another (divorce) statistic and overcome our marital problems. How exactly? The answer is actually quite simple.

By paying attention to important warning signs and fixing them before they become beyond repair, there is a good chance not only of surviving your marriage, but of actually being happy with your partner. To uncover the biggest signs of marital failure, we interviewed six experts and got some pretty insightful answers.

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The 6 Marital Problems That Relationship Experts Say Often Destroy Good Marriages:

1. They fight over finances.

No matter what attraction there may be between people, when money matters are out of balance there will be marital problems. All relationship problems will somehow, somehow, boil down to money.

“I learned that in my 20 years as a relationship counselor. We’re chained together, mad at each other, scared, and wracked with money,” she says relationship expert Audrey hope. You really have to look at how ideas about money affect the relationship. Be honest about money matters.

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2. They don’t communicate properly.

You don’t fight, but you don’t communicate. If you’ve fought or are afraid of fighting, it can feel like a relief to get to a stage where meaningful dialogue is becoming rare.

The problem is, “It could be a sign that you’ve both given up on being understood,” says psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, PhD, LMFT

When this happens, unless you seek counseling and figure out how to talk to each other without arguments, divorce is often the next step.

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3. They show each other contempt.

There are couples who just turn into meanness without even realizing it. “Whether it’s through a negative tone, nagging, or verbal putdowns, it’s never healthy to subdue your partner,” he says dr Kat Van Kirka licensed marriage therapist.

It can become a problem when you can’t put yourself in your partner’s shoes emotionally. Learn to be a good friend to your partner – listen to them and be emotionally present, open and honest.

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4. They have grown apart.

Yes, couples can grow apart as people are always evolving. Unfortunately, spouses don’t always change together or in the same way.

“Sometimes spouses want different things from life or change perspectives, which can influence behavior changes. This, too, can end a marriage when the spouses are no longer like-minded people,” says life coach Dawn C. Reid, PhD.

RELATED: When Your Marriage Fails, You Have 3 Choices. Choose very carefully.

5. One or both partners are lying or living a double life.

“Especially with the technology that we have at our disposal, it can be easy to hide a conversation or online profile from your significant other,” says Robert Weiss, PhD, LCSW, clinical therapist. Keeping lines of communication open and honest is crucial in your marriage. Once they find your hidden profile or realize that you are untrue (in any way), nothing you say or do will be entirely trustworthy — at least not from your significant other’s point of view.

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The Internet gives us the opportunity to create fraudulent personas, making it easier to interact and communicate on dating sites like Ashley Madison. And because of the anonymity that the internet offers (to a degree), it can be difficult to know what your spouse is really doing if They don’t keep the lines of communication open.

This is also true outside of technology, whether you lost your job and didn’t tell your spouse or took money out of joint accounts to play the slots – each are catalysts for infidelity and distrust.

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6. Your relationship lacks intimacy.

The key to a healthy marriage is touch: holding hands, hugging, putting your hand on your partner’s thigh. “Doing these things and wanting to do these things creates and maintains intimacy. Nothing will end a marriage faster than a lack of physical connection,” says Jenny Block, relationship and intimacy expert.

The physical is a metaphor for the emotional and romantic. Once the touch is gone, the “magic” will soon follow.

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Aly Walansky is a New York-based lifestyle writer focused on health, wellness and relationships. Her work regularly appears in dozens of digital and print publications. Visit her on Twitter.


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